Wake Up Call

Todays blog post comes from our awsome funeral director Toni -

We had a little scare with my mom last month. My little brother calls me at work and (crying a little which freaks me out right off the bat) and says our mom is in the hospital. My stomach drops to my knees and the first words out of my mouth are, “tell me she’s ok”.

 As a 54 year old funeral director, you’d think I’d be more “on top of it” or “ready”. My mom is 75 years old, the mayor of my small hometown of Eureka, Montana. She belongs to the VFW auxiliary, is on the board of our electric cooperative, is secretary of the classic car club and has a finger in lots of pies. She is go, go, go all the time and in generally good health, although she smokes and like most of us could stand to lose a few pounds. But, as it turns out, she was ok….this time.

 So, as it turns out, I’m NOT “ready”.  Which why I thought I’d write a little something about that, as I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in these feelings. Here’s what I’ve taken away from this experience.

 Talk to your parent/parents about what they desire as to end of life directives. Do they want “heroic measures”, feeding tubes or nothing done at all.

• Talk about what they want for funeral arrangements. Do they want the full burial with church service? Maybe they want cremation with a celebration at a later date. As hard as this may be to talk about, when the time comes there is real comfort in knowing that you are following your mom or dad’s wishes. Plus it eliminates any chances of arguing or hurt feelings if everyone knows their final wishes.
• Talk about where important papers will be stored. Are there any accounts or safety deposit boxes you are unaware of? Does your parent want to start thinking about appointing someone as Power of Attorney?
• Let your parent know that you will do whatever THEY want. Even if it makes no sense to you, they have their reasons and usually honoring their wishes is not only an easy thing to do, but often the right thing as well.
• NEVER miss an opportunity to tell your mom and/or dad “I love you” or “thanks for being such a great mom”. Call and chit chat on the phone when the mood strikes. Even if you just leave a message, they (and you) know you were thinking of them. If you live near them, drop in & visit, go for coffee or a meal. Time well spent and once that time is gone, there are no “do-over’s”.
• If you have siblings, talk to them about what your parent desires. No surprises =good relationships!

 Probably most people my age have given some thought to the above things. Some find it hard to face the fact that our parents will one day die, after all, they have ALWAYS been there. It’s impossible to imagine a time when they will not be around the corner or just a phone call away. When that day comes, I will not be emotionally ready (no one ever is!) but I do believe my brothers and I will have a handle on most of the rest of taking care of my mom’s final wishes. Hope this gives you a jumping off point. Feel free to call us here at Family Memorial for more ideas on talking to your folks about hard issues. We’d love to chat with you.

 Take care,      Toni