Families with children should involve them in planning for the holidays. They may also be grieving and have special needs during this season. Decide together if you will keep your old traditions or make a new one this year. It°s all right to change things this year, if the loss is too new.

Plant a tree or find some other permanent memorial that can be shared during the holidays. This can be a great way to gather the family together and remember your loved one. Use this time to tell favorite stories and share memories.

Find someone you can talk to while going through the journey of grief. You need safe people, who will listen and be near you during this time. You can find the comfort needed to face all of the emotions and pain stirred up by a time that once caused great joy, but now is the cause of great loss.

You do not have to go to every celebration, every office party, every family event; and you definitely do not have to accomplish every single item that is normally on your holiday ¿to doî list. Why not look over your holiday gift list and give everyone gift certificates instead of presents this year.

Be specific about your wants and needs.

Grieving leaves family and friends not knowing how to help you. People get worried that if they ask you about the death, or ask what you need, you might fall apart. Unfortunately, it therefore falls upon you, the one grieving, to state your needs and wants. Be prepared for this and tell them what you need, even if it°s just someone to listen to you.

Crying is a natural outlet of grief. Don°t try to hold back the tears. Let them flow - even if you°re in the grocery store, at a holiday party, or visiting a friend. Tears will bring healing.

Even if you do not want to, eat and keep your liquid intake high. It is critical that you do so. It is important to keep up your strength while you are grieving. If you are having trouble sleeping, talk to your doctor. Keep your body healthy, you will need the strength.

Learn to say No!

Some people struggle with saying "No, I°m, sorry, I just can°t do the party," or dinner, or whatever - "this year." People will understand if you are not able to attend every function or event. Of people are not listening when you say ¿noî, be honest with them. Tell them it is just too hard this year after your loss.

Lean on your Faith

Remember to touch base with your source of spirituality. It will bring you comfort and support during this time. Talk with others, in your place of worship, and ask them to keep you in their prayers. Keep going to services. Being with a group of people who believe the same as you can be very supportive.

Pamper yourself

Take extra time for you. If you deplete our energy you will have less strength to handle the days ahead. Take a bath, take a nap, go for a long walk, spend time in nature, or listen to your favorite music. Just take time for you!

Use the holiday time to create a new tradition. Tell a story or favorite memory, about your loved one, for the whole family to enjoy. This is a wonderful way for those who are grieving to remember and reflect together.

Place a special candle by the window as a remembrance of your loved one. This is a great way to offer a symbolic form of love°s light continuing.

Encourage your family and others to make a donation to a special charity in honor of your loved one. Or donate a book to your local library in their name.

Plant Flowers

Flowers help heal grief and create beauty. Plant favorite flowers at home, or at the burial site. You could also donate flowers to a school or park in your loved one°s name.

Decorate a small box with items that hold special memories. Place items inside that remind you of your loved one, and add a note describing why these items are special. Look at this box when you need an extra boost this holiday season.

Have a special chair with a flower or other item on it to symbolize your loved one°s continuing presence at your events. Have each family member bring a favorite memory to place in the chair and share why these are special.

Purchase a journal and use it as a place to write your feelings, good and bad. Writing is a wonderful way to work through the anxieties and anger you might be facing. Make sure it is small enough to carry with you, so you can write what you are feeling, wherever you are

Your ability to concentrate is low when you are grieving. Do only one task at a time. Focus on one thing or one person. This will keep your mind busy and allow you to get your job done.

Find things you like doing with your hands. This often helps calm your mind and can give you a sense of accomplishment.

Find the little things around you to be grateful for. Make note of these in a journal each day. Be thankful for those who make sincere, sensitive offers to help. Do small things for others, things you enjoy doing.

Offer to watch the children or help with housecleaning. Refrain from using the phrase "Let me know if there is anything I can do." Instead offer concrete ideas to help and make yourself available when it is needed.

Talking about the death will be important to your friend. Don°t be afraid to speak directly about their loved one. Listen and be non-judgmental.

Warning signs that your friend may be depressed are: sleeping all day, lack of interest in activities that once were fun, and thoughts of suicide. Get them the appropriate help when needed.

People tend to cut off contact with someone for a few weeks after a loss. Do something special for your friend, give a card, bring flowers or take them to lunch. Let them talk as much as they need to.

It is our natural response to comfort someone when they cry. We try to cheer them up or offer sympathies so they will stop. Allow your friend to cry. Bring them some tissue and listen. With tears comes healing.

The holidays may trigger memories surrounding a loss. Be prepared for the grief of your friend and offer support. Acknowledge their grief. Help them determine what they can do for solace this season. See some suggestions listed above.

Don°t underestimate the power of prayer in helping your friend or family member cope. Just the thought that someone is praying for them can have a powerful, calming effect.

The holiday°s can be overwhelming for those grieving. Daily tasks can seem too hard to complete. Take over a meal and relieve some of the burden.

Let your friend talk about their concerns and fears. Instead of using the clichÿ, "time heals all wounds," agree with them that it will take a very long time to adjust. Put your arm around your friend and say "You can do it. You have a lot of friends and family that will help you through this."

The loss may be too new and the thought of a large crowd unbearable. Your friend may not have the energy to attend all the normal functions they did in the past. Respect their wishes and offer your support. Let them know they can join you when they are ready.

Resources:

1. The Kindness Handbook by Jeri-Lynn Johnson
2. Thoughts for the Holidays - Finding Permission to Grieve by Doug Manning
3. How Can I Help? 12 Things To Do When Someone You Know Suffers a Loss by James E. Miller
4. What Will Help Me? 12 Things To Remember When You Have Suffered A Loss by James E Miller
5. The Journey Through Grief - Reflections on Healing by Alan D. Wolfelt PhD
6. The Lessons of Love - Rediscovering Our Passion for Life When It All Seems Too Hard to Take by Melody Beattie

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